I just don’t know.

Pulled pork BBQ Nachos is my new fav.

I have pledged to myself that I would write here more regularly. I have made this pledge in the past, and failed. But not this time. Being too busy is not an excuse. I’m making time for what’s important. It’s part of the “Be Happy,” mantra I have subscribed to lately.

I’ve eaten BBQ for the past two days at Paducah’s annual BBQ on the River. And of course, I ate entirely too much. It’s a three day affair and usually I have each day divided up into different menu items. It’s usually Brisket one day, Chicken another and then finish up with Pulled Pork on the final day. Well, last year I was only there two nights and didn’t get my chicken fix. I will not be making that mistake this year.

The crowd was good, but not overwhelming this afternoon. And the weather is PERFECT. Tomorrow I will cross a helicopter ride off my bucket list. I’m just glad it’s not Life Flight that is accommodating this ride.

There has been a lot of talk lately about choosing to be happy, and I’m sticking by it. I’m physically drained lately and it’s my own fault. I’ve worked some extremely long hours just trying to not think about things that make me no so happy. It is somewhat working, but not entirely. I still am awake between 5:15 and 5:30 AM every morning.

I’m seriously thinking about cutting down on my FaceBook activity. I have learned to love Twitter again and Instagram is just a happy place. I think I will only use FaceBook to check birthdays once a day and focus my social media presence to Twitter and Instagram. Problem solved.

My days have kinda ran together this week and I am actually looking forward to my days off this week. I will have worked ten days straight by the time they roll around and this girl needs a little bit of a break. I do love my job, but I’m tired.

So, that was my take on today. Nothing too exciting. Just my normal, dull life. But I hear, “dull is the new black,” and I’m going with it.

The dream, continued.

It’s cold outside, but not too cold to dream.

I have spent a lot of time away from home the past few months. Things have been crazy. Trying to do the right thing when the right thing isn’t obvious has been exhausting at times. But, I’m not giving up. Life goes on and with all the lows, there have been lots of highs too.

I have learned I am stronger than I think, my friends and family are my greatest assets even from afar and I am getting really close to the dream. Although I am spending way too much time in the Metro, I have spent some pretty great days down South. South is my dream that has kept me going for years. And having someone to take with me is part of the dream too.

Living the dream will take hard work, patience and more hard work. This country girl has spent too many years in the big city and I’m ready to put on my work boots and get out of the office. I have spent too many hours dreaming, collecting floor plans, design ideas and techniques and watching too many Holmes on Homes and other HGTV shows—now I’m ready to put it to practical use. I have never been afraid of hard work and although I may be over 40, my body can still handle manual labor.

I have always taken care of myself. I’m not going to say I haven’t had help from time to time from my friends and family, but it’s always just been me and my boys. I know I wasn’t a perfect mother, but they know I love them and I always tried my best. And sometimes I know my best just wasn’t enough.

I am so ready to get back to basics. I want to wake up every morning beside the one I love, make coffee, drink coffee and start my day. I want to live my life with the stereotypical gender roles. This goes against everything I have lived for the past 20+ years, but it’s what I want now. I still want to work and make my own money, but I also want to maintain our home, cook for him and take care of him. I want him to take care of me too. I want him to pump my gas (he doesn’t have to pay, just pump), take out the garbage, be patient with me as I learn to mow with a zero turn, hold my hand and kiss my forehead. I want to cook his favorite meals and sometimes I want him to cook a perfect medium rare steak on the grill for me.

I want him to roll over in the middle of the night and reach for me like I reach for him. I want to fall asleep on his chest as the sound of his snoring sings me to sleep. A big bed with us curled up like napping cats is my definition of perfect.

I can’t wait to hear the water every single day. Weekends at the Lake are just not enough. I want—no, I have to—be there every single day. The search is on for the perfect lake house. I have been looking for years, but now it’s serious. I’m done saying, “some day.” I’m doing it now. My household is already packed up and in storage waiting to be moved.

The go button has been pushed, let’s make this dream happen.
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Grounded.

Ready to give up hotel life.

I’m having a hard time getting grounded right now. There are too many variables and too many options. One of the squad has literally been MIA for almost a week and my mental energy has been spent contemplating their whereabouts. I have four different job offers in three different states and the deadline to make a decision is looming. I am no closer today than I was a week ago when the offers started coming in.

I have always been programmed to believe money equals success, but I hate money. And trust me, I understand how the world works—the one with the most money always win. But at what cost? And who really wants to win? What is the prize?

I hate money. The lack of money or having too much money changes people. It turns them into people they are not. It changes their character, sometimes for the good and most times for the bad. I am as guilty as anybody of both offenses.

I am really trying to look at all the pros and cons of each job offer. I am trying to step back, think about the cities, the work load and all the responsibilities involved with each one. I know which one was my knee-jerk choice right off, but all the others have a lot to offer too.

As independent as I have always been, I suck at making major decisions. When I do finally make a choice I will second guess it into oblivion. I have already overthought it to death. As much as I trust the squad and their advise, I have intentionally left them out of this one. I’m 45 years old. I should be able to make this decision on my own. But now I think I should bring them in. They usually see something I do not, and right now that is what I need. I feel like I am missing something and hopefully they will see it. I need their perspective.

Although I have spent much of my professional career traveling and living out of my suitcase, I think I am ready to give that part of my life up. My suitcase has too many miles on it and I miss my own home to come home to.

I have crunched so many numbers trying to figure out the least amount of money I have to make to build my place at the lake, live there and have no debt. I am just not there yet. It is not the right time.

So, I have to make a decision about which job to take by the end of the month. Until then, I will keep my suitcase organized, enjoy hotel life and invite the squad for beer and pizza to seek their advise.
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Epic fail.

So, today my web servers crashed. Of course, the last backup was July 11, 2016, so I lost quite a few great posts from the past two months. I called out the creepers from Charleston with screenshots, talked about how great my friends and family are and then wrote about my boycott of Facebook, just to name a few. I also had to redesign a few elements I have previously changed. Like a broken record I exclaim, “don’t forget to do backups.” I’m guilty of the pot calling the kettle black on this one.

I have to write about my squad again. They have came to me, protected me, listened to me, tried their best to help me and were just generally great. My squad is 10+ years strong and these special people are my greatest assets. There is not anything they would ask me to do that I wouldn’t do for them. They epitomize unconditional love. It’s strange how until 2 months ago they had all never been in the same room together. But they all showed up at The Four Seasons August 10th and they have been as close to each other as they have always been to me. With all the crap, seeing my people come together has been a positive in this sea of negative.

Rockin' my 'Listener of the Day' t-shirt, 9-23-16.
Rockin’ my ‘Listener of the Day’ t-shirt, 9-23-16.

It was fun to take them out on the town and really show them a small glimpse of my world in the big city. They had all visited in the past, but never as a group. Our only worries that night was where everyone was going to sleep and what to order from room service. I voted for pizza from down the street and Bud Lite, but in the end, there was pizza, Chinese, a little Thai, a few burgers and fries and lots of wine and beer. The girls all thought I had lost my mind for drinking Bud Light when they know my choice is Coors Light. They know my heart was still bruised and sometimes my emotions override my brain. I am sentimental from time to time. A boy in Albion broke my heart, and I’m still not completely over it.

In the midst of all the craziness I have still been extremely busy. I have reconnected with some business folks and everything seems to be working out pretty well. I haven’t found a permanent gig yet, but the offers are sitting there just waiting on me to make a decision. It has turned out to be a harder than I anticipated. But with a lot of thought, a little prayer and listening to the advise of the squad, I’m getting closer to making a choice.

I have also gotten to mark two different items off my bucket list. First, I was chosen as KSHE 95’s ‘Listener of the Day’ September 23, 2016. This has been on my list for quite some time, and now I can join the ranks of one of my BFFs who also held the title back in November 2015. And then I had the privilege of being on the field at Busch Stadium taking pics of the St. Louis Cardinals. Yeah, two bucket list items in less than 30 days = winning for now.

The next few weeks are going to be hard. Lawyers are involved, lots of money will exchange hands, a move will be made and life-changing events will take place. But I have my family, my squad and my faith in myself to get me through.

I still dream of the lake almost every single night. I didn’t get to spend near enough weekends there this year. Patience is there waiting on me and an empty lot is waiting on my pole barn house to be built. It will come in time.
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It’s all about the look.

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Sometimes I have to be in front of the camera. A flannel, t-shirt, jeans and work boots keep this girl happy and grounded. They also remind me how important hard work is.

What a month! After too many sleepless nights of doubting the pull that brought me home, finally some success. I have ran from Carmi for 20+ years, but now I’m glad to be back. I have made some great new friends, reconnected with old ones and have just been having a great time professionally and personally the past few weeks.

Thanks to some great new clients, I have been reintroduced to my old hometown. I have always had a lot of hometown pride, but it seems to be overflowing lately. I am an official, card-carrying member of the Carmi Chamber of Commerce. This might not sounds like much to you, but to me it is electric.

SeitzLife has been a dream for many years. Sure, I have been a semi-successful freelancer for years, but I  never had the guts to turn my back completely on a 9 to 5 job until recently. I feel liberated, ultra creative, and for the first time in a long time, I feel grounded.

I have started successfully marketing myself, instead of just my clients. Getting in front of the camera instead of behind it was terrifying, but worth it. My friend Jan took great pics of me and some of my employees. My media kit is fantabulous and prospective new clients have been eating them up.

I’m still looking for a permanent place to live, but when the time and place is right, one will be presented to me. I still stand by my old mantra that nothing can be forced, either professionally or personally. And I couldn’t agree more, now more than ever.

I still fight paralyzing self-doubt at times, but then I take a look at my resume, my accomplishments, my granddaughter and my great sons and realize I have nothing to worry about…EVER. Let all the worry go and just keep working toward success.
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Amazing.

Me & Bulldog Mascot
Me and my high school mascot, Corn Day 2015.

I have been saying, “always believe something amazing is about to happen,” for quite some time now. The last few weeks have proven the truth of these words. I am working on an AMAZING website for some great clients. I had an AMAZING time at Corn Day 2015 in my hometown of Carmi, Illinois this past weekend. I think I have found an AMAZING place to live. And SeitzLife Art & Design has hired it’s first AMAZING employee since I have moved home.

To say I am feeling blessed is an understatement. In the thick of all this professional excitement, I also become Lizzy’s YaYa (that’s Greek for grandma) on August 21, 2015. She is absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way.

2015 has been a hard year, both professionally and personally. I have had to learn some hard lessons. I have had to let go of some anger and distrust I have been carrying around. It was hard to let some of them go. I have stepped back and looked at the big picture and realized what was/is important and let the rest go. I still consider myself a work in progress, but I am progressing quite well right now.

I have always been awesome at my job. When I decided to quit worrying about the personal stuff and concentrate on building my business, I found a calm and happiness that had been missing as of late. I also remembered not to take the happiness I do have for granted. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, and I never want to leave loose ends again. I still have a few I am trying to tie up.

Always believe something amazing is about to happen, because it is.
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Open for business.

In my quest to move home, I am taking new clients. Need a website? Someone to manage your Social Media Accounts (all of them)? Custom graphics or a logo? Marketing? PR? I’m your girl. Below are a few documents explaining just some of the services SeitzLife Art & Design has to offer.



We will work hard for you! My company has more than 20 years experience and great people to build a custom package to fit you or your business needs and to stay on budget! [CLICK HERE] to contact us today.
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Hire me.

Yep. I need a J-O-B. I quit my dream job in the big city and went home to Southern Illinois. My heart told me to go home and now my bank account is telling me to find a job. I haven’t lived here in a LONG time, but Carmi called, and I answered. If you need a graphic artist slash web designer slash creative director, then I’m your girl.

Plans change.

I take it back, Seitz Construction is off the market. After a change of events and a long planning session, I am excited about bigger and better things to come. Although I have gotten very good at making business unemotional, I think it’s time for me to put my heart back into it and get back to taking an active roll in what I truly love. I will letcha know how it goes.
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