The squad and I have been talking about happiness lately. We’ve been talking about it a lot. One of them, when asked the question “Are you happy?” He responded with “I get by.” This made me kinda sad. But he’s a boy and they are programmed differently. This started much more dialog with the girls of the tribe and me.

For the past few weeks the girls and I decided to wake up and choose happiness everyday. We are all in very different places in our lives, both physically and mentally. We are all more than a hundred miles apart. And they are happily attached and I am not. Don’t get me wrong, I am overjoyed they are happy in their relationships with their significant others. All three have known heartache and they deserve to be in love. So, back to waking up happy.

None of our lives are perfect; far from it. But we have all chose to wake up every morning and give thanks for all we have and not dwell on the things we don’t. Things could have turned out a lot different for all of us. And the last 6 months have been hard for us all. But we kept our eyes on our goals. We all have different ones. And so far, we are all succeeding. We have all had some setbacks, but when that happens we just say, “Out of the ashes the Phoenix will rise.”

I can honestly say we are all happy. We might not be happy about everything, but we are all in a good place. The last two months have went very smooth for all of us. We cut out a lot of drama, cut some toxic people loose and concentrated on the important stuff. We define the important stuff as family, friends and work, in that order. We all work very, very hard. We all love our family and friends unconditionally. And we have learned that we can’t solve every problem every day. As long as we get up and get going everyday, then sometimes that is enough. We still have big long-term dreams that we are all working towards. And we’ll all get there. We all have some loose ends that will be tied up in the very near future.

We are already making plans for a long girls weekend on the lake on a houseboat like we did a few years ago. And we have all made a conscious decision to just breathe a little when things get tough. We have learned not to have a knee jerk reaction to unpleasant and unexpected bouts of bullshit. We pray more. We talk to each other more. We make a lot of lists and check things off as we go. We have also learned to ask for help when we need it. And then, despite our programming, we decided that emotions do not make us weak.

We are all optimistic about the future. We all know we have to work hard to get there. We have all laughed thru tears, gave and gotten a lot of hugs and also said, “just get the fuck over it,” more than once.

We are all far from perfect, but we are trying. We have been donating a lot of our time and some of our funds to charities we believe in. I haven’t said “fuck” in more than 57 days, but I still say “shit” way too much for my mother’s liking. We still enjoy a good glass of wine from time to time and we are eating a lot better than we have in the past.

We have been trying to decide when all this started. When did we all actually grow-up? And we haven’t come up with a good answer yet. But we have sure had a good time the past few months and we are enjoying our own definition of happy.

On a different note, I’m off to BBQ on the River in Paducah this weekend. I’m going to eat way too much good food and take my first trip in a helicopter. I’m reminded of what a different place I am this year than I was last year. Some things are better, some are not, but I still wake up happy every morning.

Here I am on a beautiful boat with lots of friends and I am writing. Of course I am writing. When I think, I have to write, so I am writing. Maybe I was destined to be a third-rate writer instead of a grade-A graphic artist. I do love what I do, but all I really want to be when I grow up is a writer.

Anyway, me and the girls are all here on beautiful Kentucky Lake soaking up the rays and probably drinking too much wine. We have been laughing and we have cried both happy and sad tears. It’s good to get away sometimes. Although I could live like this permanently. All of us seem to have relationship issues and all of seem to be very hard to live with right now. We are all contemplating reinventing ourselves, but can’t seem to figure out how we want to do it. I am contemplating going back to being a 9 to 5er. Everybody else seems to have self-image issues.

I’ve been dreaming alot lately and not while I am sleeping. I have had a dream in the back of my head for as long as I can remember. Now I think I might want to change my dream. But how do I do that? How can I suddenly change the entire course of my life and believe that my dream might come true? And when do I finally decide that it won’t, and just move on?

I really am having a great time with the girls (and the two husbands who evidently thought we might need some supervision). But my mind isn’t really here right now. I am trying to live in the moment, but I’m failing miserably. I swore last week I would quit making plans, but damn, that is a tall order to fill for me.

I think we are all going to head into downtown Paducah tonight. Paducah may never be the same. Dinner at Whaler’s Catch is always delicious. And it’s fun for me to show my friends my new adopted home town. I may even take them by my dream building, or maybe I won’t. I don’t think I can look at it without someone holding my hand, at least not right now. There’s a lot going on on Broadway tonight, so if you’re  in the area stop by. There will be live music at almost every bar and the weather is going to be great. I’m pretty confident you will be able to spot us—ten middle-aged hot chicks will be hard to miss. And some of us might be a bit loud—really loud.