There has been too much conversation lately about how I should be married. My friends suck. They mean well, but sometimes I don’t think they know me at all. They are all mostly happily married and want me to be happy too. I’m not unhappy, but I don’t think being married would make me happy. I think they have forgotten what I have said for the past 5+ years, yet they are planning my hypothetical wedding. And why, with all my epic failed relationships, do they almost always come to me for advice when they have problems? I am not the expert, nor a role model.
But, why am I not married? I’m stubborn. I’m set in my ways and my ways are the best. I don’t share well. If I want to do something, I do it. I like expensive shoes and electronics. I quote random song lyrics at inappropriate times. I want him around when I want him around, and I can’t be forced to be in his company. My solitude is very important. I’m grouchy. I trust no one. When I don’t get a joke, I’m pissed. I would rather go to a funeral than a wedding. I’m selfish. I rant—a lot. I want to smoke every minute of every day, although I limit myself to one puff every month or so. I have unrealistic expectations. Although I consider myself a modern woman, I still like most stereotypical gender rolls—I will vacuum, he will take out the trash. I sleep in the middle of the bed. I overthink everything. I still talk to a lot of my exes. I am super private. I’m kinda bossy. I have only one feeling and I guard is fiercely. I sometimes don’t answer my phone for days or weeks, but I always expect him to answer his. I will probably never let anyone completely in. I am not responsible enough to be part of someone else’s happiness. When I’m in a bad mood I take it out on everyone. I am sometimes unkind.
And on the flip side: I am awesome and only want to be told once a day. I am loyal to a fault. I buy my own expensive shoes and electronics, but love unexpected surprises. I can cook very well, but love to share my kitchen. I give great gifts. I’m not afraid of getting dirty and I love to weld. I am just as comfortable in kick-ass heels as I am in my work boots, although I prefer sweatpants and a safety green t-shirt. I love unconditionally. I am full of myself and sometimes a tad condescending, but I earned it. I am very sentimental, and a tear can run down my cheek easily. I love writing and receiving love letters. Hold my hand and I will go anywhere with you.
I was supposed to write about chicken, but somehow this post happened.